Who is she?
This creature, this person
Living with and without a smile
She willingly hungers,
Her pain, she ignores
So that they may feel none
They whom her life belongs to
In those simple moments
When her hand reaches out
Such a lonely way
So worth the suffering
For she knows she cannot serve
Unless she suffers

A reason to love rain:
It hides my tears when I cry
Each drop blends in next to another
Simply a walking disguise in the light
But growing weaker with each step
The clothes on my back are weighted down
And sticking to my skin
A symbol, in reference
To the latest twist of fate
Losing all hope,
And wishing I could simply unwind
Darkness spreads
The street lights flicker
In an irregular rhythm
The view from my roof was magnificent
A cloudy, cool night
Perched all the way above
Lonely raindrops fall from the clouds
Pondering there on this summer night
Water droplets strike the cement Landing on my skin
And soaking my clothes
I'm still
Lightning rips the sky
Bolts of gashing light and the clapping of the thunder
Echoing wide as each crack takes its shape
Willingly, I give into the currents of the storm
Billowing moans of the wind
Reprimand the trees and waters of the sea ahead
The air smells of freshly electrified sky
Intoxicating is this nightly blast
The vengeance of the skies.

Perfect

So I guess I'm stripping off my pink bows,
My honorary ribbons and my
trendy little clothes.
Saying goodbye to pats on the back,
eyes staring back with pride,
rubbing the brown off my nose.
The caged beast has rattled the bars
Long enough now,
So out in the world, it's ready to prowl.
I guess I"m not the perfect one
You thought that I was.
My hands have been dying to get
Into the mud.
Will you love me anyway,
Now my scars all exposed?
I still love you with all my heart,
I sure hope you know.
Walking on the green earth,
Instead of on the clouds,
The little angel has come down,
But I still want to make you proud.
Don't turn your eyes from the dirt rubbed on my skin,
You've got soil buildup of your own,
though you think it's hidden.
So I get a few slaps across my face,
But at least I can feel,
At least now I'm real.
I thought floating was my life,
just drifting through my days;
then I crashed into the bottom,
and I can see a whole new place.
A place for me, a place to discover
Realizing so much more
Without my head in the covers.

Image:

On their own, people are themselves. They look inside for the truth of what each of us is; our essence. Once in a group, we become parts of ourselves which are just generic, recurring patterns within society. We become boorish, more violent, and yet more closed; less willing to explore what we can do. A disco, or a congo are amusing things; but still examples of the silliness of mankind. If we were to remain anonymous, and our need for identity forgotten, life would have too much freedom, and end in its own destruction. For anonymity leads to self expression of the most extreme. Freedom fears not the eternal cell of scrutiny. There is no face to judge its uncontrollable laugh at the face of mankind. To be free from the curse of identity is to be cursed with too much freedom. Conflicting ideas of freedom and voice would choose to eliminate hindrances by its own hand. Without the ordered hand of identity, a faceless man is a man without shame. He is invisible, and his own expression may threaten others. A darkened shade is laced across the world by total freedom. Their actions cannot be traced to the identity that had given breath to it.

-Unknown Author

I'm Not an Angel

You made a mistake
On the day that you met me and lost your way
You saw all the signs but you let it go
You closed your eyes
I should've told you to leave
'Cause I knew all the time you couldn't handle me
But you're hard to resist
When you beg.
I'll tear you down
I'll make you bleed, eternally
Can't help myself from hurting you when it's hurting me
I don't have wings
I cut them off
Flying with me won't be easy
'Cause I'm no angel
I hate being that wall
That you hit when you feel like you gave it all
I keep taking the blame
When we both know that'll never change
I wasn't always this way
I used to be the one with the halo
That disappeared when I first had my taste
And fell from grace, it left me in this place
Now I'm starting to think that maybe you'll like it...
I'm not an angel.

I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting.
Don't give choices 'cause I can't decide
My mind is soaked with words
I've come to terms with all my insecurities
And purity's no friend of mine
Dreaming does no good
'Cause I don't wanna lie
And say that I'm okay
I'd rather take it and forget it
Consider this a warning
'Cause I'll start another fight
And you'll say it's alright
I'll wait for the day when you find I'm too much for you
So lay your hands over me
But don't bother wasting your time trying to change me
You're kinda cool,
But I know better than to break the rules
Of messin' with a lesson that I'll never learn
I'll go from bad to worse and later back to better
But I'll never better bridges that I'm bent to burn
I'll never learn
I'll only trip
Pedestrians beware.
I'm a no walking zone.

Rain Kissed

Hugging herself tight, ripping each arms' muscle,
Drench in the rain, sweat washed off by the tears
Hips twisting sideways,
Swaying in turns
Curling down like a ball
So small, so fragile.
Step on her now, you're break her forever
Her face, pale and lifeless
Her eyes, green but red and narrowed
Her neck kissed by the cold wind
Gripped tight by her choking tears
Coughed up and hiccuped
Longing to scream,
But then everyone would come
She belongs nowhere
Now only longs to express herself
Tearing her own heart apart
Bouncing in frustration
Pounding the cold, wet walls.
Only to feel the pain, stinging
Though not as painful as her own tears
Rip her apart now,
Let her be torn
Cheeks rosy red from all the movements she danced out
Eyes closed and blurry,
She could only see the streams dripping
From both the endlessly dark sky
And her emerald eyes.
Guarded by the night's shadow,
Bounded to the ground,
Struck by all the pounding emotions within
Driven by the deep lyrics,
Possessed by the heavy beat.
There she stands,
Escaping her own reality,
She couldn't stop,
She wouldn't stop.
Both knuckles now shed with dark, red blood,
The acidic rain only adds to the pain.
But it gives her the boost she needs.
The push she wants
To make her let it all out right now.
This is what everyone needs;
To cry.

3 o'clock

Why can't I sleep?
I toss and turn
I sing, I read
Why can't I stop worrying?
Those sheep don't work
And the house is too quiet
My feet are frozen
My lips are dry
I'm sitting here thinking,
About to cry
Like a mother holds her child,
I crawl back into bed,
Curl up in a ball.
Is insomnia a symptom of love?
Or pain?
I'm exhausted
But cannot sleep.

What?

What is this? What is its purpose? What is anything? Why does anyone do anything? Why are we here? What are we meant to do? What is our purpose? What IS purpose? What is real? What is realism? What is ideal? What is idealism? What is fake? Why is the world? Why is the universe? Why is anything? Why is anyone? What is because? Why is because?
NOTHING MAKES SENSE TO ME ANYMORE. AHHHH.

Dude, where's my fairy?

If I act like a bitch, it's probably because you deserve it. I'm just saying...

Love is Our Weapon (by NeverShoutNever)

Hey everybody take a look around
Put your money where your mouth is
Take your eyes off the ground
We got a hard day coming if we can't work out
All the pissy little problems that were fightin' about

aye!

I never got involved with politics
'cause they always brought out the worst in my folks
But I always swore to them if I could make a change at all
I'd love this world before it implodes

We all want change
And we want it now

Hey everybody take a look around
Put your money where your mouth is
Take your eyes off the ground
We got a hard day coming if we can't work out
All the pissy little problems that were fightin' about

aye!

Love is the weapon for this lukewarm congregation
Love is the only thing that's kept me believing
Love is the weapon for this wounded generation
Love is the only thing that's kept me believing

That the world will change
(world will change)
We all want change
(want it now)

Hey everybody take a look around
Put your money where your mouth is
Take your eyes off the ground
We got a hard day coming if we can't work out
All the pissy little problems that were fightin' about

aye!

Hey everybody take a look around
Put your money where your mouth is
Take your eyes off the ground

<3

Waking up each morning, already with the anxiety of the new day. Long, boring, much-to-do day. Heart pounding hard, childhood and teenage years nonexistent or slowly slipping away. A big hole in my heart and soul; something lies missing. Head pounding. All the bullshit that has occurred in these long, hard, boring days, a heart once happy, fell into a pit of despair. More work for tomorrow and so little time. No time to relax or do what my heart wants. Or so they say... might have friends and relationships to patch, but what's it worth with so little time. Focus on the pressure of the future, or so I'm told... Give up being happy. Grow older as a result. I'm a sixteen year old girl with the aching mind and body of a sixty year old woman. Slowly degrading, such is my elder mind. Casual bitterness and cynicism are my current train of thought. Sorry, no can do. No time to be happy.

A Noiseless Patient Spider

by Walt Whitman

A noiseless patient spider,
I mark'd where on a little promontory it stood isolated,
Mark'd how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,
It launch'd forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,
Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.
And you, O my sould where you stand,
Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,
Till the bridge you will need be form'd,
Till the ductile anchor hold,
Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere,
O my soul.

The Crow and the Dove

*Thank you, Mr. Sun ;)


Cry as a dove impacting the earth in a cruel, and demented flailing as she tries to avoid the fall... none the less, embracing the earth harder than intended and breaking more numerously than imaginable... Beautifully twisted; envied, yet not understood.

Misunderstanding is handed to her by those who don't bother to understand. The crow she's fallen for most of all. She's been denied his embrace; and so her involuntary descent begins. Her fall is harder than intended, and breaking, she shattered into a million pieces. Her smile: habitually forced... envied yet not understood.

As the dove scattered into numerous pieces, she found herself put back together the way she was intended to be, yet not quite like before... Her bright and hopeful eyes dimmed more than usual... her elegant white feathers scuffed... her body more brittle than before.

She looked to see those who pieced her back together, bit by bit... Earth, Sun, and Sky.

The earth was a very grounded person... he knew what he was doing, he understood what he wanted and didn't necessarily dwell upon thoughts.

The sky was filled with miraculous ideas and thoughts, and was the most beautiful of the three. With her imagination and thoughts, she understood the dove the most as they inhibited each others space more frequently than the others.

And the sun... he was intermediate between the earth and sky, both grounded and imaginative at once... though, unlike the others, he burned with a fiery passion to ensure the dove could continue with life. He heard all she had to say, he listened intently and understood almost all of it. And he would obey her, against his own will. While the earth and sky both yearned to punish the crow for his cruel and relentless actions, the sun stood from afar as requested by the dove, yet he continued to burn with an intensity the earth and sky would not know of.

There once was a time when the earth, sun, sky and dove got along with the crow... a long time ago, when the crow first came into their world. He spent some time on earth for a while... but before long, the crow abandoned the earth, only to turn the earth's opinion upon the crow negatively... and while the earth attempted to tell the others of the crow's cruelness, no one believed him, and thought the earth to be obsessive and hurt by the crow's actions.

The crow then took advantage of the sky and sun, soaring her great heights and basking in his heat. Both eventually found their newcomer to be untrustworthy and a pest to be rid of... though neither of them had the strength nor time to deal with the crow...

And then the dove came along, beautiful and graceful as ever, who saw something in the crow that none of the others had. He was sleek, attractive and friendly, and they grew closer than he had with any of the others. Though the crow's harsh treatment was reflected upon the dove as well, she did not lose hope, she did not give up and she worked with him, for sooner or later, she fell in love with the crow.

Eventually, once all five were at an absence of each other's presence, the dove decided to visit the crow. Upon that same night, apart from the earth, sun and sky, the crow and dove danced, miraculously; leading to the crow's mistake. A slip of the tongue, a vomit of words, froze the dove in shock as she was soaring higher than above before. Happier than any other moment she had experienced; the happiest she had ever been in her lifetime. For she loved the crow, and to be able to simply dance with him, was exquisitely breath-taking. Hearing the crow's simple and unintentional sentence began the dove's miraculously awful descent, plummeting towards the earth, soon to experience what the earth had before; desertion. While the dove had given the crow practically everything and was nothing but selfless towards the crow, the crow did not care for her. He could not care for her the same way, and he would never be able to. The crow's ugliness became apparent to the dove, who was baffled as to how she could be fooled by such an idiot. Thus resulting in her spine-shattering embrace upon the earth...

--I wish I knew the meaning of love.
I'm poor when it comes to understanding direction. The crow led me down the wrong path of open sky, so I ran into a tree and died.

This Place

There's a place for us
That no one else can enter
It's a secret that holds non,
Because it's all our own;
The most personal and quintessential experience
Created and fed by the beauty, peace, and complete understanding.
This place we came to,
We are given the illusion that we are one
And we are, metaphorically
But sweetie, it takes two to tango
And we danced all night long
For a minute, I know you
I'm reading you for once,
Every pore, every thought, every fear
That smirk upon your face
I love you more
I'm filled with breathless contentment
Shhhh, hush now
Speak no words but of the present thing
All promises, should I appear too vague,
Are kept and committed
No, there are no lies
No turning back
We lack all polite and formal resignation here;
For time is precious and dreadfully unforgiving
And being lonely is our only crime
So my dear, until the sun rises,
I won't apologize for the memory of our lovely wickedness

A Compound of Oxymoronic Thoughts About Myself, and Society

We are selfishly altruistic. Life is a perfectly imperfect medium, full of contradictions, imperfections, and a little time. Yes, time. Time and dreams. I am an oxymoronic mix of sperm and egg. I'm not in tune with anything or anyone, yet, I am beginning to be in sync with myself and I find it disgustingly lovely. My scatterbrained personality and way of thinking makes for an eventually connected thought. Flighty and disorganized as it is, it is not nonsensical. Human foibles fascinate me. I keep my head in the clouds. My genetic makeup is irrevocably sound; so what once was, will always be. Nothing is ever annulled, because the feelings and thoughts created by the nothingness we seek can never be erased. They are forever engraved into our minds. Said nothingness is decipherable when it is almost obliterated, so that we may trace it back to something meaningful, because we have nothing better to do. We seek aimless admiration for the good deeds that we do for others, which we really do for ourselves. We long to be put on a pedestal. Hence, the insane amount of hormonal, vagrant adoration and faith. Faith without loyalty, because we must stray. We act out transgression of a divine law in search of purpose. We commit to failing to conform, thus we preserve sin in our making. A willful or deliberate violation of principle gives me immense pleasure. I try to disobey the standard cliche. By impacting ingenuity with rebellion, we discard its originality. I want to thank the nonconformists of our world for attempting to destroy stereotype, but we fight in vain because while some may appreciate your efforts, I can only hope that whoever controls the outcome of the rebellion will not strike you as being unproductive. Continue with your banal and sophomoric treatment of courage on the frontier, because hopefully one day, you will not be dubbed as such. Someday I hope that we wake up ad realize that our habits are becoming trite; lacking power to evoke interest through overuse or repetition. We lack all mindful originality. I strive for the quintessential meaning of life, but I am sure that this ultimate goal is only achieved by an opinion, after death, and will only be realized if our minds exist when reincarnation occurs. Were we to come into contact with some celestial miracle or being telling us that we had achieved such a level of greatness, we might be confounded to find that our fate is damnable because there is nothing left to achieve after ultimate greatness. So, we have deemed ourselves too simple and do less than what is considered great just because it is comfortable normal and we are numbed by average human society.

These Lies We Tell

Such senseless lies we tell
Absurdities of the mind
Of the many, this is what irks me most of all
Why bother? Why try?
What do we gain?
What's the point?
Exaggerations and fibs
Configured and twisted throughout informal, irrelevant, unimportant conversation
And for what?
Nothing.
That's right;
Absolutely nothing.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

I look in the mirror and see a girl,
Who is staring back at me.
I don't know who she is
But I know I've seen her before
She's not the girl I want to be
She puts a smile on
While inside she's falling apart
She says, 'I'm okay. Yes, I'm fine.'
As pain fills her every cell
She pretends not to care,
As everyone slowly walks away.
She hides behind her makes
And pretends like she's alright
She's scared to open up,
She's scared to let people get too close
It always ends up as heartache
She feels like a stranger in her own home
She tries the best she can,
But it always seems to be wrong
She has ideas for the future
Hopes and dreams of her own
But she doesn't hold her breath
Because disappointment is all she's ever known
Her muscles constrict
She's afraid to be touched
She asks, 'Why am I never good enough? '
'Why am I always second choice? '
People tell her she's got to stand up for what she wants
She's got to find her own voice
I know who I want to be
It's all so much clearer
But the fact is, I'm the only girl in the mirror.

Just Forget

Forget his name, forget his face,
Forget his kiss, and warm embrace
Forget the time you spent together
Remember now, he wasn't so clever

Forget the fact that he once cared
Forget the love that we once shared
Forget his love that once was true
Remember, now there's something new

Forget you cried all night long
Forget him when you play your song
Forget how close you once were
Remember now, it's all a blur

Forget you memorized the way he walked
Forget the way he always talked
Forget the times he made you mad
Remember how he made you sad

Forget the thrills when he said 'Hi! '
Forget the times he made you cry
Forget the way he said your name
Remember now, he's not the same

Forget you saw him yesterday
Forget his gentle and teasing way
Forget the things you'd planned to do
Remember now, he doesn't love you

Forget the times that went so fast
Forget it all, it's in the past
Forget he said, 'I'll leave you never.'
Remember now, he's gone forever

Forget the past that I once knew
Forget it all, and leave it too
'Cause he no longer loves me...
...He loves you.

Drowning

I swim in a sea of feelings
So close to drowning
Until you catch my breath and I’m above the surface again.
You and these emotions are so unsteady
And so I continue to swim in my sea and wait for you
To save me one last time
Tossing and turning
Mind, body, and soul
These emotions I feel all at once
They come and go
Like the people in our lives
My feelings travel back and forth, to and fro, across the spectrum.
They don’t rest even when I do
They just continue their journey
As I live on afflicted and conflicted by said emotions

Art Is Poetry

Like the rain drops falling on a sunny day
Our creativity comes in bursts of whimsical nostalgia
With a new revelation springing forth into this first time conscious mind,
It is simple to take note, on all the wonders of art
Which now and forever have kept me dwelling on peace
With all chaos and hostility,
This feeling, or perhaps, presence
Of possibly the most beautiful of all essences
Is inside and released
Less chemical than it may seem,
From each movement, each breath,
I must take advantage of this place,
Before it falls away again
Even though only a harmonious balance can push these dreams to my surface,
I will carry whatever traces of the moment...
As a memory of the innocence within.

Be Green!

Being green means being conscious of the earth's limited natural resources; rethinking, recycling, and reusing these resources in order to build a more sustainable lifestyle. So be smart, and be green! But you should also be yellow blue orange white lavender turquoise teal silver gold brown black peach ivory grey coral red maroon raspberry rose chocolate khaki chartreuse lime olive cerulean navy violet orchid plum pink and tangerine.

What the Fuck?

I'd just like to say that it has been established that my life is what the fuck. My entire life; past, present, and probably my future is what the fuck. Is it weird that I'm quite please with this establishment?
No.
I think not.

Simplicity of the Early Days

Once upon a time,
Nobody gave a fuck.
We were ignorant and happy,
Innocent and content,
Naive and at peace.
Can we go back to those times?
Times of barbies, and toy trains, and race cars
And when we truly believe in fairies
Innocence in its prime, and purest form
It was our greatest treasure
And we knew nothing of it
<3